Wow, you really don't know yourself at all...

In the past week or two I am coming to find that many people really do not know themselves well at ALL. I suppose it is one thing if you have that character trait that does not allow you to see people as they are (and all of have that to some extent, but some are worse then others.) But I always find it more impressive when people seem to not know themselves. I am not sure why this occurs. I mean, as my "introspective" blogs have recounted, I am contantly finding out new things about myself. But I have a functional grasp of who I am, how I work, and, I think, how people generally percieve me (this also comes from occasionally asking how I am coming across, but this comes from being mildly neurotic about these things.)

But it is the people who seem to go through life thinking they are one thing, and that people see them one way, when in reality they are seen quite differently by most people. What I wonder is if they really believe that everyone likes them, even though most people abhor them. Or do they just pretend this because they are sad that no one likes them? And if the latter is true, then maybe, just maybe, they should figure out why people see them differently then they see themselves. Maybe it is because they are really fake. Or mean. Or bi-polar and crazy and mean and fake and annoying.

Or maybe I am just a little too sensitive.

Maybe not...

Oh the places you'll go...

I'm thinking one of them won't be South Dakota. At least, if I ever need an abortion. Because they (as anyone with a TV and news watching abilities knows) have passed a law to banish abortion in South Dakota. Now, granted, you could only get one in one place in the entire state (Sioux Falls) and they don't even have a full time doctor. But banish they did, except for harm to mom (apparently rape and incest exclusions were too radical for them...)

What I found most "impressive" (read: amazing) is the comments by the Governor (quoted from the NY Times):

"In his message, Governor Rounds noted that the Supreme Court has reversed decisions before. He cited the 1896 Plessy v. Ferguson decision that said states could require racial segregation in public facilities if the facilities were "separate, but equal." That ruling was reversed in Brown v. Board of Education, the 1954 school desegregation case.

"The 1954 court realized that the earlier interpretation of our Constitution was wrong," Governor Rounds said."

Amazed. Baffled. Slacked Jawed. and then just a shocked laugher. Sure, the Supreme court occasionally directly overturns itself. I can think of a ripping TWO times this has happened: Brown v. Board of Ed and Lawrence v. Texas (which directly overturned Bowers v. Hardwick). Both times the court EXPANDED peoples rights. The Supreme Court is not exactly known for saying "Yup, we were wrong." Many many decisions have come very close to overturning prior decisions, but they usually fall short of a "Yup, we were wrong" moment. They carve holes, or they distinguish in such a way that the results of both cases, seemingly contradictory cases, are in fact, correct. While this may seem illogical (and as a first year law student in Constitutional law, beyond frustrating) this is how the court works. The court can change with the times (it can, and it should.) But to ask the court to go back and say that the South Dakota law is constitutional and should be somehow compared to Brown v. Board is a bizarrity that I hope I NEVER see.

Now I am a newbie in the legal practice, but I think that if this case reaches the supreme court, I don't think they will uphold it. Biggest reason (sadly) is that South Dakota's law does not protect the right to an abortion in cases of incest or rape. This exclusion is common in the abortion laws, for seemingly obvious reasons. And the lack of this exclusion has been noted by a number of anti-abortion groups who are not thrilled with South Dakota's law (but who will rally around it anyway because they are all in this together.)

All and all, I think I may keep an eye on this case. It has the potential to cause a lot of trouble, not necessarily in the court, but in the court of public opinion. Hopefully this legislative strong arm backfires and actually hurts the cause, but that might be a bit too much for me to hope for.

Finding myself when I didn't know I was lost...

All of you with siblings can probably relate to this: Mom comes home, asks you "where is your brother." You look at her, knowing you have no idea where he is, and are annoyed you were disturbed from whatever engrossing activity you were doing and say, " I don't know. I didn't know it was my turn to look for him." Or maybe "I don't know. I am not his keeper."

While on my long drive to boston last week, I had plenty of time to think about random stuff. It is part of the reason I like, and yet hate driving alone for long distances. For once, it was a nice helpful train of thought. I realized something important on my long trip, and for some weird reason, I am actually gonna share.

I realized that while there are many, many things that I find dissatisfying about my life right now (many of which are related to my current employment) I am strangely comfortable with myself. And I realized that I am having one of my rare moments. You know the moment. Its the one where you realize something deep and thought provoking about yourself.

These moments of self awareness are pretty rare. But they are AWESOME when they happen. I realized that I am really really comfortable with myself right now. Not with everything, and I am still weirdly neurotic about random stuff. But I found something in me that was missing. The comical thing is that I didn't know something was missing. I had no idea that I was not "whole."

Granted, I still don't think I am completely whole. There is still so much I want to do see, etc. But I am much more comfortable in my skin. This happened once in law school as well. Maybe it is just me maturing. (which is in some ways more scary then anything in my world.) But I have developed friends here. I have people I can hang out with, and sports teams to play on. And even on the horrible, crappy days, I am more centered then I used to be. I look at situations and I think "man, if that happened 5-6 years ago, I would have cried/gotten angry/punched someone in the head." And that doesn't happen (or not for things that I used to get upset/angry about.)

I guess that it comes down to accepting life as it is, and not necessarily on what it is not. While I am not a fatalist, I think that I am finally learning to accept things and work with them, rather then always thinking "why doesn't anything work the way I want it to??" It is good to see I found that little part of myself that I knew was around, but had apparently misplaced. Hello little bit of me. Glad you came back. Please don't leave again...I think I missed you.

OMG it is not just me...

I finally got to see Rent when it came out in the theatre. I enjoyed the movie immensely. There was only one small problem. When the people were singing about how they were not going to pay rent, the little lawyer in my brain pitched a fit. "How can they not pay rent??? They have to pay rent! I paid rent in my apartment. My clients lost their apartments because they did NOT pay rent. Damn slackers." Many people I told this to said that I was nuts (and that is not totally untrue.) But it is nice to see SOMEONE else agrees with me.

Sad that it makes me so happy to know there are other crazy lawyer people in the world...