I need my brain to shut up. I need to not think about non-essential things. The only things that count as essential right now are the memo I need to do for my boss, the multiple documents I need to do for my clinic, and my IP exam which is coming upon monday.

What is my brain thinking about? Pretty much everything EXCEPT the memo, the docs and my damn exam. It thinks about the fact that I STILL have no real go reason for being in law school. It thinks about how I don't think I want to be a lawyer. It thinks about how I am extremely uncomfortable in my own skin. It thinks about all the stupid things I've done in my life.

Note that I say it thinks of these things, and not "I" think of these things. I am firmly convinced that my brain is going off on its own little trip. It doesn't do what I want it to do. Instead, it speeds on, doing as it pleases. It confuses, befuddles, rewinds, fast forwards and pretty much does as it pleases. Damn you brain. Why can't you just do what I want, and stop questioning my life? Is it possible to fire your brain for not doing it's job?

Study study study study. Blech. Exam tomorrow. Rock on environmental law. woo? Yeah, woo, I guess. **sigh** Back to studying.

A belated Happy Easter (and a happy passover? Do you wish a jewish person a happy passover? Deb, help me out here). I went home, had a lovely time, sat at a complete standstill on the highway for almost 2 hours (damn you NYC and Conn traffic...) and got home at 11:45 at night. However, on a happy note, I PASSED MY MPRE! Woooooooo Hooooooo! Yes, I am ethical by the standards of the American Bar Association. Please do not misconstrue this to mean I am ethical. Remember, this standard was set up by lawyers, for lawyers, to make sure we have some modicum of ethical standards. They are honestly rather logical, although, upon reading them, I now understand why some people think lawyers are not ethical. We are ethical, we just have different standards. Ahhhhh... double talk. :-)

So I had my mock trial yesterday. I was responsible for the argument of the motions, the cross-examination and the closing argument. I did them all without notes. Practically no notes at all (I glanced at them once in my cross, to impeach, so that doesn't really count.) And at the end, the jury came back, and I got compliments from all of them. And good compliments, not just "you did ok." I got a compliment from the opposing counsel. I got a compliment from the other instructor. I got complimented by the judge. And, most importantly, I got a huge compliment from my instructor. She said that I did a phenominal job and that I have a natural talent as a litigator, which is apparently a relatively rare trait. Needless to say, I was pretty much on cloud nine. Hell, I have an actual TALENT. I don't think I've ever had a talent before. I've been able to do stuff, sure, but a talent? I was thrilled.

Unfortunatly, that high lasted only one day, as I got my ethics exam back today. Which I bombed. I had almost the lowest grade in my class. **sigh** You know, I wish that I had a helpful talent, like being able to do well in my classes. Or to NOT feel stupid constantly. So woo to being able to bullshit, but damn it, why can't I do well on ONE FRIGGIN' test?

Man...I am never gonna get a real job...

Mock trial tomorrow. Umm...woo hoo?

Softball was a wicked good time. Got to see Christine (abit briefly, since we were bothing doing our drunk social running around.) Met many nice boys (oh yeah, and a few girls) from many different schools, including Rutgers, Tulane, U Tennesse, UVA... We lost both games, but since we really didn't even know each others names till we started the tourney, I am not all that sad. We had a blast, and Virginia was nice (we even got to see the sun for a while.) And now I am back, and I must prepare for my trial on Wednesday. The deep question of the evening: Do I allude to "crazy people" in my closing, or do I hide the from the phrase because people are afraid of freeing the mentally insane and it might hurt my case? Oy, such complexities...