Finding myself when I didn't know I was lost...

All of you with siblings can probably relate to this: Mom comes home, asks you "where is your brother." You look at her, knowing you have no idea where he is, and are annoyed you were disturbed from whatever engrossing activity you were doing and say, " I don't know. I didn't know it was my turn to look for him." Or maybe "I don't know. I am not his keeper."

While on my long drive to boston last week, I had plenty of time to think about random stuff. It is part of the reason I like, and yet hate driving alone for long distances. For once, it was a nice helpful train of thought. I realized something important on my long trip, and for some weird reason, I am actually gonna share.

I realized that while there are many, many things that I find dissatisfying about my life right now (many of which are related to my current employment) I am strangely comfortable with myself. And I realized that I am having one of my rare moments. You know the moment. Its the one where you realize something deep and thought provoking about yourself.

These moments of self awareness are pretty rare. But they are AWESOME when they happen. I realized that I am really really comfortable with myself right now. Not with everything, and I am still weirdly neurotic about random stuff. But I found something in me that was missing. The comical thing is that I didn't know something was missing. I had no idea that I was not "whole."

Granted, I still don't think I am completely whole. There is still so much I want to do see, etc. But I am much more comfortable in my skin. This happened once in law school as well. Maybe it is just me maturing. (which is in some ways more scary then anything in my world.) But I have developed friends here. I have people I can hang out with, and sports teams to play on. And even on the horrible, crappy days, I am more centered then I used to be. I look at situations and I think "man, if that happened 5-6 years ago, I would have cried/gotten angry/punched someone in the head." And that doesn't happen (or not for things that I used to get upset/angry about.)

I guess that it comes down to accepting life as it is, and not necessarily on what it is not. While I am not a fatalist, I think that I am finally learning to accept things and work with them, rather then always thinking "why doesn't anything work the way I want it to??" It is good to see I found that little part of myself that I knew was around, but had apparently misplaced. Hello little bit of me. Glad you came back. Please don't leave again...I think I missed you.